Thursday, January 31, 2013

#017 - Volksspiellen

"Remember that Volkswagen analogy for Valve's games? 
 Well... Shit hit the fuel injection and now the analogy is as followed: Imagine them having given you a Bugatti shell with a few parts, two Golfs and a updated Scirocco - They now convince you to forget about all that and buy this nifty new unrelated Fisker engine and call it the SteamBox."

Games? Oh, new games by us? You think we're a developer? You deluded peasant, you.

#016 - Saints Will Row

"One of the devs at Volition claims that Saints Row 3 went too bizarre, too far. In the words of Robert Downey Jr, they went full retard. They say they want to go back to their roots."

You're right, suburban kids with SMGs talking gangsta operating from a defunct church are far less bizarre.

#015 - Less Payne

"Why does a suicidal man beg for death to give him a quick one to the skull, yet whenever I get headshot the game gets all 'restart, you filthy scrub' on me. I thought I did him a fucking favor."

Max contradiction.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

#014 - Far Crying

"Speaking of Far Cry 3... I've spend most the time running down those fucking emu looking birds, tigers, pirates, buffalo, townsfolk and stuff with my Jeep and frankly, Cabela could learn something here."

Wild life, wild life, watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when Brody comes for you.

#013 - Call of Insanity

"Do you know the definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. Call of Duty has done this since 2009 and gotten different, even better results every fucking time."

Vaas Montenegro's full of shit, man.

#012 - The Z Wars

"Day Z makes you hate everyone, trust no-one and you'd blow your best pal's skull off with a M1014 for his fuckin' beans if hunger kicks in. Whereas War Z just makes you hate the people who play it and the creators even more. Fine line."

Beans, bullets and the corpse of a betrayed friend.

#011 - Medal of Home

"While Medal of Honor: Warfighter tanked harder than a container ship in a tsunami wave while propelled by jet engines, no-one forgets the eerie stare and soul stomping smile of that child and her 3/10 mother."

CGI has come such a long way, then Medal of Honor made it die harder than Hans and Simon Gruber combined.